Stitches Surprise!!

Well I had an interesting thing happen today. It started a few days ago. My scar started to open up. It developed three little holes. There wasn't any pus or sign of infection so I treated the wounds and bandaged them daily. They just wouldn't heal.

Today, one of the holes was white. I thought it was my new skin growing over, but it just didn't seem right... then I realized... it wasn't skin.

I pulled on it.

Out came a fully intact stitch. I'm guessing my doctor did sub-dermal stitches before he stapled me closed. My body rejected them before they could dissolve because sure enough I found stitches in the other two holes and pulled them out. It hurt a little, but I think the holes will close up now.

I warn you, the following pictures are graphic and quite frankly gross.









The stitches are completely in tact, knot and all.

Amazing, huh??

Yay! Money!

I finally got my first disability check. It came right on time for some bills. The only thing is that it's half of what I normally make - so I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to swing it. I'm going to see if I can freeze one of my credit cards so at least that is one less bill. Hopefully this Friday I will have a paycheck from hours donated to me. I'll probably be good because I don't have much longer to go. I should be back at work by mid September at the latest. Still no handicap placard, however. I do need that.

The Golden Chariot of Knee Walkers

In Limbo

I am still in limbo. I am waiting for money, handicap placard, and food stamps. I know that my Catastrophic Leave period ends today. Catastrophic Leave is a donation program established by the County (where I work). If you qualify, the department sends out a notice for you that you are on it and people donate their hours to you so that you're not off the books and you get some money. It's anonymous so these people get nothing in return. The donation period ends today. If I have received 80 hours from people, they will cut me a check. I'm crossing my fingers, but I know that in this economy, people need all of their time and money.

It has been really hot here this week - in the mid 90's. Because of that, I haven't attempted to get to my car at all. My mom is still looking for a knee walker for me via craigslist so I can get to my car and GET TO WORK. Those things are really expensive though. I'm tired of all the money that's getting thrown into this injury with no actual money coming in.

Patience...

Finances

I've been seriously worried about my finances. I don't know if I'm going to have any money by the end of the month to pay my mortgage. I've been trying to think of creative ways to make money while I'm stuck here, but I can't really come up with any that don't involve me being mobile. I do still have my etsy site, but I haven't sold a single mask since I made them in February. They're cute... and more of an art pieces I suppose. Ideas?

Staples Removed

I just got my staples removed. That stung! Stitches don't have any pain with removal. This felt like little stabs. She did it quick so that it'd be over. I talked to my doctor about my hives and asked him if there was any way I could get something other than a fiberglass cast. He said he could put me in a cam boot. Basically your foot is wrapped in a microfiber sock that is velcro'd together in the front, then your leg is put in this hard plastic boot that closes by velcro straps. I was worried it might be heavy, but it's no worse than the splint. I guess the old fashioned fiberglass casts are pretty weightless. I just had to promise him I'd wear it at all time. He took x-rays and said that my foot looks great. I saw it... I think it was a total of 8 screws, but the bone does look great. It's all where it should be now. He signed my dmv placard request too so I put that in the mail on the way home. I called his disability vendor and she said she got my disability papers out to the insurance company as well. Now I just wait and hopefully get some money coming in in time to pay my mortgage. The social worker I spoke with said I could apply for food stamps so I'll probably do that. I'm just so proud of myself for today. I got dressed like a normal person and even put on a little make up (I got a young doctor ;)). I even picked up a prescription on the way home. And my arms are getting strong!

My Incisions (Warning: Not for the faint of heart)

I cleaned my leg yesterday. I was never told I could do this, but I can't imagine just leaving it as is. I've only done it twice... nothing excessive. This is why I want an air cast. I can't stand being all wrapped up.

Here are the gruesome pictures:

This is the first time I've ever had staples. They're scheduled to come out tomorrow, but I'm not sure if they're ready. We shall see!

I want!

Oh man I want/need this basket! It fits my walker. For whatever reason, my walker is curved in the front (actually kind of pointed) and we tried putting a bike basket on there, but it wouldn't fit the frame.



Here's my WISH LIST.

The Arsenal - The Tools To Make Life Easier

These are things that will make you much more comfortable once you're home and on your own.  I don't expect ANYONE to use crutches.  They are total B.S.  I dealt with them for a week and a half and nearly killed myself on them or injured myself more.

Everyone was telling me to get a walker.  I was too embarrassed because I figured people would think I was too weak for the crutches.  It was the physical therapist in the hospital after my surgery that got me to use it.

This is what I have now:


The front bar on the walker is not straight so it makes having a basket a little difficult, but I have been doing just fine with a back pack.  For long trips I use my wheelchair.

My mom found this knee walker online.  It would certainly make the wheelchair irrelevant for me, but I don't have the money right now for something like this.  Only the basic walker is covered by my insurance.  Check it out:

It looks a little scary to me, but I actually spoke to someone that had a friend that had it and they loved it.  They went everywhere on it and it has a break as well for safety.  You're still not walking like normal, but the weight is taken off of your good leg and balanced on the knee pad so the foot pain would be alleviated.

For a walker or wheelchair I suggest padded gloves.  There are many options for these: weight training gloves, bicycle gloves, yoga gloves, and motorcycle gloves.  My mom ran around for me trying to find the right padding.  The one that seems to be in the best place are weight training gloves because it is designed to pad where you're holding a bar.  When using a walker or crutches, you're lifting your body weight with your palms and holding a bar just like you would a weight.  These are what I ended up with in a size small.  Fits great and will be good for when I am walking outside to the car or something.

Trust me, there is long term problems on your hands from long term use of a walker or wheelchair.  My skin is peeling and the palm actually feels bruised.

Now a total lifesaver and worth every penny, let me tell you, is the bathroom chair.  They have all kinds of shower chairs available to buy, some very inexpensive ones at that, but what I found, having a tub, is that I can't get my legs over the the tub to get in.  I needed something with a transfer board so I could slide into the tub.  I began looking online.  My mom was able to find one on Craigslist for me, thank god.

The feet are rounded for the tub side so there's no slippage.  You can adjust the height and where the seat back goes.  You sit down, slide back, and rotate yourself in.  There is also a bar to hold onto if you want to stand up. Don't try to stick a patio chair in the tub like I did.  Save yourself the misery and get one of these right away!
Physical Therapy:
You need to get your upper body strong.  Get some small dumbbells and ankle weights.  Don't get anything too heavy unless you're already fit, but if that's the case you probably won't need the weights for the upper body, but you'll want to keep your legs strong so that when your cast is off and you can walk again, you don't have to have extra physical therapy to carry your weight again.  I will post the exercises my physical therapist gave me.  I just have to draw them up.  Insurance varies and I've been very lucky to have home treatment covered.  I have danskin weights that you can add to.  I couldn't find the exact ones on amazon, but here is something similar:
 

That's all I've got so far. I may add more items as time goes by.

Anxiety, Depression, Frustration

When your power or control to take care of yourself is taken away from you so abruptly it is incredibly defeating.  For a week and a half after the fall, I was by myself.  I'd never had an injury that kept me from living my normal life.  I struggled so much trying to figure out how I could get to the kitchen, make food, and then take the food somewhere to eat it - all on crutches.  At first I wasn't really eating.  I'd put a small back pack on and go to the kitchen for "supplies."  Anything that could go in the bag without spilling.  At this point, I was not strong at all.  My place isn't that big.  It is maybe 25 feet to the kitchen.  By the time I got in there I was totally exhausted and sweating already.  I am a weakling.  I've never played sports and I don't go to the gym. 

Eventually I figured out that I could put a plate of food on the bar, hop around to the living room, reach for the plate, set it on something closer to where I was going to sit, and hop until I got there. 

After exhausting all of my energy to do simple tasks, like bathing, I would break down and cry.  I would sob and sob like my best friend died or my boyfriend broke up with me.  I didn't bother getting dressed anymore because, what was the point?  I would pull my hair back into the same rubberband every day and just cope.  But I wasn't coping.  I was so sad and defeated.  I was doing it on my own, yes, but I felt like I shouldn't have to.  I wished for a partner or a family member to come help me out and keep me company. 

My poor dogs didn't know what to do.  They knew I was hurt so they were fearful and afraid.  They clinged onto me (they're small).

Eventually a light clicked on in my head and I figured out that if I put chairs everywhere I needed to be I could rest and stay there awhile before having to leave again.  Yes, I figured out how to drag a chair behind me while on crutches. 

I had anxiety about the upcoming surgery.  I knew my ankle wasn't going to heal on its own, but I had a really bad feeling about it.  I've been under anesthesia a couple times now and have undergone major surgery, but this one was really getting to me for some reason.  It wasn't about the size of the insicions and how ugly my leg would be or the pain.  I knew the pain would be less afterward because I'd be put back together again.  I just thought I wasn't going to wake up.  I thought, this is too many times being put under.  Something bad is going to happen. 

My mom flew down for the surgery and was there the entire time.  She also stayed practically the whole evening afterward just to make sure I was ok. 

I get frustrated because every day I just want to stand on my own two feet and walk, but I can't.  It takes me forever to do a damn thing.  I'm embarassed that I use a walker and a wheelchair.  I converted to the walker after surgery when the physical therapist proved to me that it was much easier to get around with.  I am embarassed by the wheelchair because I believe it shows people I am too out of shape to carry my own weight on crutches. 

The hardest part is letting go of the power and control you once had.  I am very independent.  I like things done my way.  I have had to let that all go because I am at the complete mercy of others.  My mom is leaving to go back home in a few days and I'll be all alone again, but it honestly is getting easier.  The ankle hurts less and I'm getting a little bit of strength in my arms.  My mom found a neighbor that wasn't using their parking space in the back of the complex so I can borrow it until I can go down stairs again.  I drove once the other day, but I was pushed to the car by wheelchair.  It's a struggle - especially when you feel like everyone is looking at you like, "why can't she come back to work on crutches?" because they don't know how painfully hard it is.

Open Fixation Internal Reduction with Bone Graft

That is the description of my surgical repair.  I had my injury on June 9th and had my surgery on June 23rd.  There were a couple reasons for the delay.  The first and foremost was because my Orthapaedist stressed it was important that the swelling from the injury go down before he operate.  It would be hard to close me back up and my healing would be inhibited.  The second delay was because his nurse is not very competent or compassionate.  She screwed up my cat scan appointment and then tried to blame me.  My surgeon wanted to verify the extent of the pylon fracture before surgery on a cat scan.  Once he did that, we scheduled surgery - which was a week later.

I found a great description of a pilon fracture here on emedicine:
http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/1233429-overview

And here is a diagram I edited to show my breaks:

As it turns out though, once the doctor got in there, the other fracture wasn't still attached and required a plate as well.  He also said my ankle is like styrofoam and my cartilage was extremely damaged from the impact. 

I was in the hospital 3 days (or 2 1/2 cause I left before noon on Friday).  There was A LOT of pain.  It didn't seem like the PCN was working.  I would get .2 mg of dialuaded every ten minutes if I pushed the button.  The worst part was falling asleep and waking up not having any pain medication for hours.  I'd have to build the dialuaded back up in my system before I felt like it was manageable pain.  The surgeon sent me home with Percocet and that seems to work a million times better.  I take 10mg every 4 hours.

My leg is held together again with another splint and wrapped with ace bandages.  This is because ten days from surgery the doctor will look at my wounds and most likely remove my staples.  My plates and screws are permanent.  I'm not sure what kind of cast I'll be getting after that, but I hope it is something like an air cast so I can take it off when I shower.  The amount of itchiness I get under these bandages is maddening.  I go back and forth from taking Zyrtec and Xanax to control it.  It flares up the most in the evening.

The Story of How It All Began

In the evening of June 9, 2010, I was going out to take my dogs for a walk. They are uncontrollably insane when I take them together - hopping, growling, and barking at each other. By the time I had them out the door, I was so distracted, I closed the door LEAVING MY HOUSE KEYS INSIDE BY THE DOOR.

I knew I was up shit creek without a paddle. I no longer had a big man friend to hop the wall and break into my place. Also, I had upped the security recently. The inside patio door lock has a switch lock and requires a key to unlock it. I was the only one who could get in and I knew it. I had my cell in my back pocket so of course I posted all the happenings to facebook just in case I ended up needing help.

I tried to think of alternate ways of getting in the house, but I knew in the end there was only one that would work.  I borrowed a step stool from my neighbor. I hooked the dog leashes up the the door handle so they couldn't run off. With the stool, getting up the wall was easy. I sat on the wall looking down. It looked much farther from this perspective than I thought. I was directly above the trash can, but luckily it had wheels so I toed it out of the way. After I did that I looked down and thought that maybe I should have just kicked off the lid and tried to land in it. Haha that would have been a disaster too. Scared, but knowing this was my only option, I said "fuck it" took a breath in and launched myself forward.

I think I must have been on too much of an angle or something, because instead of landing on my feet, my left foot actually rolled inside by 90 degrees and I hit the ground on my ankle. I actually saw this and it was pretty gross looking... unnatural. In fact it's all I remember from the jump.  I hit the ground on my left side, but it didn't really seem hard. I think the hardest part of the fall was on my ankle.

I was a bit stunned. I knew that this was going to be worse than a sprain. Sure enough when I tried to move it, it kinda sloshed around in its joint. The dogs were having a fit. I posted on facebook again what had just happened in case I couldn't get back into the house and was stuck out there on the cement. I knew I HAD to get in though. I'm a determined spirit. I looked at the doggy door and tried to reach myself in to see if I could fit. Not a chance. AHA! The keys to the patio door were left on the table. I reached my arm into the doggy door and grabbed the swifter broom behind the fridge (the fridge is just to the right of the doggy door). It was tangled in the water hose and the plug, but I got it free. I reached it over, broom part, to the table and flattened it out. I scooted the keys to the floor and then shuffled them within reach. It was kind of like a curling match. :P

I was just barely able to reach the floor lock through the doggy door. I got the key in and unlocked it, flipped the switch and threw that patio door open. The next step, however, was to figure out how I was going to stand and get in. I think I must have been on some kind of endorphin rush or something because nothing hurt unless I tried to move the foot. I don't even really remember how I did it. I think I slid onto my knees and held onto the door as I lifting myself up on my one good foot. The next problem is that it is a foot high step up into the door. I couldn't contemplate that one too much, I just had to hop it and hope I didn't fall again. I held onto the door again and hopped. I just barely made it. I hopped over to the front door, opened it, and let the dogs in. I sat down on a chair by the front door and my phone started to ring. I left it outside on the patio. I hopped back over and just reeeeaaaached to grab it. It was my brother and he saw my facebook post. I called him back. Told him how hurt I was and he told me that if I called an ambulance I'd have to pay for it because they aren't covered by insurance. Plus I was embarrassed as hell! I didn't want my neighbors to see me get picked up by an ambulance after attempting to break into my house. My brother was not offering a ride at this time and told me good luck.

I bawled like a baby. I called the 24 hour nurse help line with my insurance to see if maybe it was just a sprain and I could just elevate it and be ok. The nurse advised me to take my shoe off. I had to undo all the laces to get it off without moving my foot. Once it was off I saw the softball sized lump developing on the side of my ankle.

She said I definitely needed to go to the emergency room whether I got a ride from somebody or I called an ambulance. I called my brother again, sobbing. He finally agreed to come get me. I thought that when I closed the front door I made sure it was unlocked so he could come right in. I then made my way into the living room to ice and elevate my foot. I'm really surprised I got all this done with only a swifter broom as a crutch.

Unfortunately when my brother showed up, the door was locked.  I stood up and got the swifter again to try and hop it to the door. My right foot was hurting from all the hopping and I kept wanting to step my left foot down. I got close to the piano and I reached for the piano chair for something else to hold me up. The swifter somehow gave out. I landed on my bad foot. Saw it bend and pop again and I just collapsed. This time, the pain was excruciating. I started screaming. I got extremely nauseated and I thought I was going to puke. My brother heard me screaming and started to freak out. He apparently got a chair from the pool area that was now open cause people were in there. He hopped the wall, knocking over my pants and garbage. He said he landed on his feet but slipped and landed on his butt.  Luckily he wasn't injured like me.

He came rushing in and all I could say was that I fell again trying to get to the door. I had him readjust my legs so I could lay flat for a second while the nausea passed. He lifted me up off the ground and told me to wrap my arm around his neck. He held my hand with his left hand and then put his arm around my waist and balanced me. I held his right hand with my right and he said to use him as his left foot. He would step with his left foot and then lift me and move me with his right as I hopped on my right foot. It took a very long time, but we made it all the way to the back of the complex where they had my car ready. His fiance drove her car to follow.

We got to the ER and they put me in a wheel chair and signed me in. I had stuffed everything I might possibly need in my pockets. I had a list of my medications and the time the fall happened. I had my wallet and my cell phone jammed into my back pockets. Luckily the ER wasn't busy. They got me back quickly and got my x-rays done right away. The doc came in and told me I was broken, but not to what extent. The doctor and nurse created a splint out of some cotton/fiberglass material and an ace bandage.  It went all the way up to my thigh.

They gave me pain pills and a orthopaedist's number to follow up with the following day. Unfortunately, they only offered me crutches and the stress from the whole ordeal had been far too much. The walk back to the house felt like an eternity. Each hop was excrutiating and my right foot was tired and aching.  I was sweating from head to toe.

This whole thing has been absolute hell. Just trying to go to the bathroom is painful on all of my muscles. You try sitting yourself down and lifting yourself off the toilet with only one leg. The doctor appointments are worse because I have to hop down that long sidewalk to get picked up again. I ended up pulling a muscle in my abs from working them more than they're used to. Now I've mastered the crutches for walking, but I can't because of this damn pain. I still can't get up the small step to my front door either.  I can't imagine why crutches are an accepted assistance to people with leg injuries this bad.  They are unbalanced and require extreme upper body strength.

Trying to bathe? What a joke. I managed to pull a patio chair into the shower, but it's really ridiculous trying to wash your private parts while sitting down. Got to shave and shampoo my hair though. I got water everywhere, but luckily the plastic bag tied around my leg didn't leak and the splint stayed dry.

Some Buddhist friends have been bringing me food and encouraging me. They take out my garbage and walk my most energetic dog. Arranging rides for doctor appointments has been really hard.  My closest friends work.  I have had a reliable Buddhist friend who has been able to help greatly because she has a flexible schedule due to being in sales.

My first appointment with the orthapaedist had me in tears.  He reviewed my x-rays and told me that my ankle was severely fractured on both sides and that I also had a pilon fracture and would need a bone graft.  The outer fractures would require metal plates and screws.  I was up for surgery.

Here is what I looked like once my banadages were removed:


I am having surgery in a week. Wish me luck. Now it's time for another pain pill and some sleep cause tomorrow I might try to shower again before going to the doctor.